Thursday, January 8, 2009


I know that some of the people to view this will know the Kenny that I love and want to find, and others will feel compelled to say how much of a druggie he is or other vile things of that nature.

Truth is I dont care about any of the negative things that could possibly be said, that is not relevant at this time and not my deal, if someone does not like him or he has burned you in some way take it up with him when he is located, if the opportunity arises.

I have not been involved in his life for the past few years at all, except for maybe a brief run in publically at randum. I feel tremendous guilt for not attemptting contact and in a selfless way that feels pain in the fact that anyone that gets that deep is hurting and needs someone badly just to let them know they are cared about, even if it does not appear to shake them, at least they may figure out life is not worth throwing away and that people love them and have faith in them. People with drug addictions are not a "throw away" but in many circumstances someone with something deeper that needs to feel numb because of internal pain that has manifested into a moster, making a person their own worst enemy, yes sometimes people are just plain sociopaths, or have been enabled by people and are just selfish as hell. How can you tell the difference?? Well as an outsider you can't in my oppinon (oustsider meaning not knowing the person at all, but say maybe hearing about their drug induced actions in the media) But if you know someone that has developed troubles and you love them very much and have known them for being a person with concern and regard for others, well then you know the diffence. The people that love and know the person in danger of themself (and potentially others sometimes if it gets bad enough) expirance in my oppinnion a rare part of human nature, some can actualy embrace and hold on to the positive qualities that the troubled person has possessed, although one that cares for someone in such a situation should never be vunerable to them, as you truly can never let your guard down EVER in that situation and if you do you have a high potential of being victimized, in my oppinion. Its those that let their guard down that seem to be the ones to learn the hard way it seems. Its just weird, becuase people seem naturally driven towards negativity, I certainly do. So when I cling to the good, I know that it really is there somewhere.

One thing I can asure to myself I will never let someone just slip away again under these circumstances. I may not "hang" with them, or enable them (giving them $, rides, etc.), but simply letting someone know you care in some way, I think says a lot to that person, actions do speak louder and that is where I have failed my friend. I know that for the past few years hes not been straight. Despite whatever you believe the truth may be, or even if you know an indefinate truth of what exactly he has been up to, he is a Son, a Brother, and is the Best Friend many could ask for, even if that Friend has been concealed for a long ass time. I believe numbness of oneself inhibits bad behavior and suppresses the good, but the good is still somewhere in there. And if your wondering "NO" I am not one of those that sees the good in everyone, I usually go straight for the bad, but with some people that have touched my life, I can't do that.

We need to find him, whatever the circumstances may be. I can certainly say that the unknown is a very scary place and you should agree, even if that agreement is deadlocked on this subject. Everyone needs closure! Even as a pesimist, I still have a glimmer of hope inside the hollow shell. That is really unfair to anyone that loves him. Although, if he is in a treatment somewhere, that would be faboulous. I am not sure how realistic that is. But hey like I said, that is the glimmer of hope!

If anyone knows anything, please contact the authorities. I am pretty sure that people can remain confidential, I think. Not a 100% how that works, but regardless this is after all a persons life we could be talking about here, so if you do know something throw out all inhibitions and do the right thing.

Once I figure this thing out I will scan in the missing person poster.

Thank you for any consideration and taking the time to read this.